Liberty, Like Health, Appears Most Precious When

There Hasn't Been An Original Voice In Stand-up Since Sam Kinison.

Women Of No Beauty May Yet Be Flattered To Believe They Possess Some; Others Of A Moderate Share That They Have A Great Deal; But Those Of Elegance And Charm Generally Know The Perfection Of Their External Graces So Well, That They Seem To Covet That Flattery Most Which Heightens The Opinion Of Their Wit And Judgment.

Compared To Politics, I Think Sports Is Funnier, Because It's Inconsequential. And Politics Can Be Real Important And All That. The More Pointless Something Is, The Funnier It Is, You Know? And The More Grave Or Important Things Are... You Know, Some Comedians Can Get This Disease Where They Get Serious All The Time.

In Love, We Are Best Pleased When We Please Others.

I Always Told Everybody The Perfect Joke Would Be Where The Setup And Punch Line Were Identical.