Laugh Now, Cry Later.

The Age Of Your Children Is A Key Factor In How Quickly You Are Served In A Restaurant. We Once Had A Waiter In Canada Who Said, "could I Get You Your Check?" And We Answered, "how About The Menu First?"

Babies On Television Never Spit Up On The Ultrasuede.

Enter My First Neighbor - A Woman Who Spoke In Complete, Coherent Sentences, Who Ate With A Knife And Fork And Who Only Cried At Weddings. I Couldn't Help Myself. In A Dramatic Gesture, I Bolted The Door And Threw My Body Across It To Prevent Her Exit. She Understood.

Cats Invented Self-esteem.

Crocodiles Have A Smile I've Seen On The Face Of Every Lawyer I've Ever Met.