Laugh At Yourself First, Before Anyone Else

The Cocktail Party Is Easily The Worst Invention Since Castor Oil

The Loudest Psalm Singer In The Congregation Always Is A Reformed Sinner.

What Is A Bore? Maxwell Definition: A Vacuum Cleaner Of Society, Sucking Up Everything And Giving Nothing. How Do You Spot One? Bores Are Always Anxious To Be Seen Talking To You.

[on The British Museum:] It Was Manifestly Impossible To Read All The Books In That Huge, Gloomy Structure, But I Made A Good Try And Accumulated A Fund Of Useless Information Guaranteed To Cast A Pall Over Any Dinner Table.

Don't Try For Wit. Settle For Humor. You'll Last Longer.