Karaoke Isn't Fair When You're A Comedian.

I Say Everything's About Company. A Gourmet Meal With An Asshole Is A Horrible Meal. A Hot Dog With An Interesting Person Is An Amazing Meal.

I've Remade A Few Movies And They All Have One Thing In Common: Great Endings. If You're Going To Remake Something, Make Sure That Ending Is Tight. It's A Little Less Challenging, If You Have A Great Ending. If You Don't Have A Great Ending, Don't Remake The Movie.

I Get Approached To Do Shows All The Time. There's A Lot Of Money In Sitcoms, But I've Never Been The Kind Of Guy Who Wanted To Do One. I Don't Think People Want To See Me Saying "honey, I'm Home." It's Just Not My Thing.

Men Are Only As Unfaithful As Their Options.

By The Time I Was 7 Or 8, I Wanted To Be A Comedy Writer.