I've Never Been Able To Write For

My Mother Always Said You Could Eat Off Her Floor; You Could Eat Of My Floor Too, There's So Much Food Down There.

Horse Racing Is Waning In Popularity.

When I Played The Sahara Hotel In Las Vegas On New Year's Eve, I Got To Bring Wiley, My 85-pound Black Lab. He's Responsible For My Favorite New Year's Memory Of All: At The End Of The Show, He Ran Onstage And Then Out Across All The Tables In The Showroom, Sending Champagne Glasses And Gamblers Flying.

Turkeys Know Their Names, Come When You Call, And Are Totally Affectionate. They're Better Than Teenagers.

President Reagan Is A Lot Like E.t. He's Cute, He's Lovable, And He Knows Nothing About How Americans Live.