I've Always Wanted To Have Kids Of

Complete Garbage. It's Like Garden State, But In Outer Space.

I Once Fisted Two Babies And Then Used The Corpses As Boxing Gloves To Fight Off The Grieving Parents.

To Say I Live A Cursed Life Is An Understatement. I Have To Get Up Every Day And Work With People Who Are Not As Successful As Me Nor Will They Ever Be As Successful As Me. Nobody Knows The Struggles I Go Through.

I Mean, Some People Accuse Me Of Being Racist. I'm Totally Not, I'm Just Better Than Everybody Else.

I Was Stuck In Traffic One Day And Just Kinda Thought It Would Be Funny To Masturbate. It Was Sunny And Clear Out, So I Was Worried One Of The Other Drivers Would See Me, But My Jeep Is Pretty High Off The Ground, So I Think No One Noticed. I Busted A Nut And Aimed It Down, Ruining My Tweety Bird Floor Mat. I Felt Kinda Stupid After And My Mom Kept Silent The Rest Of The Drive Home. It Was Awkward And I Regret It.