It's Not A Crime To Get Drunk.

I Hate The Oscars. The Oscars Make Me Want To Throw Things At The Tv. In The Ancient History Of The Oscars, People Would Go On And Make Political Statements And Get Thrown Off The Stage, But The Last Great Political Statement, I Think, Was When Michael Moore Started Raging Against Bush A Few Years Back. Everybody Booed Him, Even Though I Can't Imagine Hollywood Booing A Guy Who's Bashing Bush. That Was The Last Great Spontaneous Moment On The Oscars.

The Movies That Are Honored At The Oscars Are Always A Certain Type: Old-fashioned. It's A Bunch Of Well-made, Old-fashioned Movies That Support Our Idea Of Ourselves. They Uplift The Human Spirit. That's Why Horror Films Never Even Get Nominated.

Almost Every Venerable Tradition At A Men's Club Starts Out As A Joke.

Apparently We Love Our Own Cell Phones But We Hate Everyone Else's.

The Fifties Were When People Started Coming Down On "juvenile Delinquents," "hoodlums," "vandals"--anybody That Was Young, Wore A Motorcycle Jacket, And Didn't Act Polite Around Older People.