It's Not A Crime To Get Drunk.

You're Not A Real Texan Till You've Been Kicked Out Of Every Decent State In America.

A Universal Draft Is Most Often The Instrument Of Third World Dictators.

The Best Ally You Can Have In Breaking Up A Street Fight Is A Grandmother.

Almost Every Venerable Tradition At A Men's Club Starts Out As A Joke.

They'll Give You An Oscar If They Think You're About To Drop Dead. The Problem With The Oscars Is, The Average Age Of The Academy Is 84. They Wheel Those People In From Palm Springs And Hook Up Their Ivs And They Vote. The People That Go To Movies Are Under The Age Of 28, For The Most Part, So There's This Total Disconnect Between What The Academy Thinks Is A Great Movie And What The Audience Actually Wants To See.