Apparently We Love Our Own Cell Phones

The Italians Always Made Good Wine, But You Had The Impression They Were Friendly Guys In Straw Hats Running Family Vineyards With Slaves Or Something So That The Vino Was Never More Than Ten Bucks A Bottle.

The Fifties Were When People Started Coming Down On "juvenile Delinquents," "hoodlums," "vandals"--anybody That Was Young, Wore A Motorcycle Jacket, And Didn't Act Polite Around Older People.

I Hate The Oscars. The Oscars Make Me Want To Throw Things At The Tv. In The Ancient History Of The Oscars, People Would Go On And Make Political Statements And Get Thrown Off The Stage, But The Last Great Political Statement, I Think, Was When Michael Moore Started Raging Against Bush A Few Years Back. Everybody Booed Him, Even Though I Can't Imagine Hollywood Booing A Guy Who's Bashing Bush. That Was The Last Great Spontaneous Moment On The Oscars.

I Love Martin Scorsese, But There's Another Indication Of What The Oscars Are All About. They've Ignored Martin Scorsese For Going On 35 Years Now, And I Wouldn't Be Surprised If They Passed Him Over Again. He'll Get One Of The Oscars They Give You At The End Of Your Life Because They Feel Guilty For Never Giving You An Oscar.

I Always Remind People Why The Oscars Got Started In 1928: It Was An Effort By The Studios To Suppress The Unions. They Started The Academy Because All The Screenwriters And Directors And Actors Were Unionizing, And They Thought, "we'll Have Something That Resembles A Union, But That's Completely Controlled By The Moneyed Interests In Hollywood." That's What It's Been All These Years. It's Something That Reinforces Hollywood's Image Of Itself. The Best Picture One Year Was Gandhi. Nobody Watched Gandhi, But That's The Kind Of Picture That Always Wins.