It's Just Gods Way Of Getting Babies

I've Had To Remove All Mirrors From My Home. I Just Can't Seem To Look At Myself Without Having To Buff The Bishop, You Know?

I Just Don't See How Anyone Can Hate America. I Mean, Crap, I Live There. What More Do You Need?

I Know The Bible Isn't Real Because It Never Once Mentions Me.

The Success Of 'scrubs' Allowed Me To Pursue Anything I Felt Passionately About Without Having To Worry About Money. It Allowed Me To Spend My Summer Work Shopping My Show At A Nonprofit Theater.

One Time I Considered Making A Video Game About My Life Where People Control A Character Called 'zach Braff' And Run Around Being Awesome. Then I Realized That Getting To Pretend To Be Me Would Be Like Shooting Up Heroin For Anyone Who Played It, And I Don't Want That On My Conscience.