It Sucks Being Fat, You Know.

Even When People Are Rich And Successful On Tv Shows, There's Always Some Trouble - You Have To Poke Holes In Them, Throw Them Out Of A Job, Put A Pie In The Face.

It Doesn't Matter How Smart You Are; To Audition For 'jeopardy,' You Just Have To Luck Out And Know What They're Asking You That Day.

If You're Wearing A Bluetooth Thing And You've Got That Thing On Your Belt, You Are Working For Somebody Else. You Are Not The Guy In Charge. That's A Really Good Social Status Indicator.

I Don't Think There's Hardly A Comic Out There That Does Clean Material All The Way Around. There's A Couple Of Guys That Are Clean, But I'm Not One Of Them.

I Don't Do One Show And Wish I Was Doing Something Else.