Inflation Is The Crabgrass In Your Savings.

I Had A Terrible Fight With My Wife On New Year's Eve. She Called Me A Procrastinator. So I Finished Addressing The Christmas Cards And Left.

There's So Much Pollution In The Air Now That If It Weren't For Our Lungs There'd Be No Place To Put It All.

I Always Wondered Why Babies Spend So Much Time Sucking Their Thumbs. Then I Tasted Baby Food.

You Wouldn't Want Alan Greenspan To Write The Instructions For Assembling A Beach Chair.

Live Your Life So That If Someone Says 'be Yourself' It's Good Advice.