Realists Know Where They're Going. Dreamers Have

If Somebody Accuses You In A Story Of Being A Crook, You Can Demand That They Prove It. But If A Comic Says It And You Protest, People Say, 'what's The Matter, You Can't Take A Joke?

I Take My Children Everywhere, But They Always Find Their Way Back Home.

My Wife Never Lies About Her Age. She Just Tells Everyone She's As Old As I Am. Then She Lies About My Age.

It's Amazing How Important Your Job Is When You Want The Day Off - And How Unimportant It Is When You Want A Raise.

The World Now Has So Many Problems That If Moses Had Come Down From Mount Sinai Today, The Two Tablets He'd Carry Would Be Aspirin.