In His Big Victory Speech Last Night,

Former Enron Founder Ken Lay And Ceo Jeffrey Skilling Found Guilty In The Enron Case. Ken Lay Is So Guilty I'm Surprised People Aren't Calling Him Congressman Ken Lay. Wait 'till These Guys Find Out In Prison That Insider Trading Has A Whole New Meaning.

The United States Military Is Now Using The Music Of Metallica And Other Heavy Metal Bands To Break The Will Of Saddam Hussein Supporters To Get Them To Talk. Theyre Blaring Heavy Metal Music At Them. That Should Make The Artist Feel Pretty Good, Huh? Put Your Heart And Soul Into Your Last Cd And The Army Is Using It To Torture People.

My Stockbroker Asked Me Something Important Today: Paper Or Plastic?

Obama Called On Americans To Have More Grandchildren. Probably So There's More Of Them To Pay Off Our Debt.

There Are Over 30 Doctors Running For The Us Congress This Year. That's Going To Be Rather Strange. Half The Time These Folks Will Be Playing God And Asking Women To Take Their Clothes Off And The Other Half The Time They Will Be Doctors.