I'm Very Pleased To Be Here. Let's

I Use The Cigar For Timing Purposes. If I Tell A Joke, I Smoke As Long As They Laugh And When They Stop Laughing I Take The Cigar Out Of My Mouth And Start My Next Joke.

I'd Rather Be Over The Hill Than Under It.

When They Saw Me Walking Down The Street Smoking A Cigar, They'd Say, 'hey, That 14-year-old Kid May Be Going Places.' Of Course It's Also A Good Prop On The Stage ... When You Can't Think Of What You're Supposed To Say Next, You Can Puff On Your Cigar Until You Think Of Your Next Line.

I Don't Have A Drinking Problem. I Drink. I Get Drunk. I Fall Down, No Problem.

Dress Simply. If You Wear A Dinner Jacket, Don't Wear Anything Else On It ... Like Lunch Or Dinner.