I'm So Bored. I Went To The

Sometimes I Can't Figure Designers Out. It's As If They Flunked Human Anatomy.

After Age Twelve, Birthdays Should Be As Private As Hernia Surgery.

A Friend Doesn't Go On A Diet Because You Are Fat.

Getting Out Of The Hospital Is A Lot Like Resigning From A Book Club. You're Not Out Of It Until The Computer Says You're Out Of It.

Enter My First Neighbor - A Woman Who Spoke In Complete, Coherent Sentences, Who Ate With A Knife And Fork And Who Only Cried At Weddings. I Couldn't Help Myself. In A Dramatic Gesture, I Bolted The Door And Threw My Body Across It To Prevent Her Exit. She Understood.