When A Child Is Locked In The

Encourage Independence In Your Children By Regularly Losing Them In The Supermarket.

Thanks To My Mother, Not A Single Cardboard Box Has Found Its Way Back Into Society. We Receive Gifts In Boxes From Stores That Went Out Of Business Twenty Years Ago.

If A Man Watches Three Football Games In A Row, He Should Be Declared Legally Dead.

When They Told Me I Needed A Mastectomy, I Thought Of The Thousands Of Luncheons And Dinners I Had Attended Where They Slapped A Name Tag On My Left Bosom. I Always Smiled And Said, 'now, What Shall We Name The Other One?' That Would No Longer Be A Problem.

Cats Invented Self-esteem; There Is Not An Insecure Bone In Their Body.