I'm Not A Person That's Easily Embarrassed,

My Physique Is Down To 20 Years Of Eating Cheese.

Daniel Day-lewis Would Play Me As A Baby. He Can Do Anything. Johnny Depp Or Brad Pitt Are Fighting Out For Me Now. And Meryl Streep Will Play Me After The Sex Change. I Haven't Told You About That, Have I?

I've Got The Attention Span Of A Child.

Everyday Life Is Interesting Enough, Whether It Be In An Office Or Being Ignored On The Set Of Something Supposedly More Glamorous.

Real Racist Jokes Or Sexist Jokes Aren't Funny - Not Because They're Offensive, But Because They're Not True. As Soon As A Joke Is Based On An Untruth, It's Not Funny.