I'm Bringing Back The Skinny Tie But

I Can Do More Than Just Stand-up Comedy, And The Only Way I'll Be Able To Show That Is If I Do It Myself. Because Nobody Trusts That I Can Do It.

I Don't Laugh Out Loud At Comics A Lot.

Why Do They Call It The Restroom? Is There Anybody Just Resting In This Room?

I Don't Like People That Litter. If You Don't Throw A Wrapper In The Trashcan And You Just Toss It Out On The Ground I Wanna Take You And Toss You Into Outer Space.

What Am I Supposed To Say To An Atheist When He Sneezes, Ah, When You Die Nothing Happens.