I'm An Ice Sculptor. Last Night I

I Had A Bag Of Fritos, They Were Texas Grilled Fritos. These Fritos Had Grill Marks On Them. They Remind Me Of Summer, When We Used To Fire Up The Barbeque And Throw Down Some Fritos. I Can Still See My Dad With The Apron On. Better Flip That Frito, Dad, You Know How I Like It.

So, I Sit At The Hotel At Night And I Think Of Something That's Funny. Or, If The Pen Is Too Far Away, I Have To Convince Myself That What I Thought Of Wasn't Funny.

Pepperidge Farm Bread. That's Fancy Bread. You Can Tell It's Fancy Because It's Wrapped Twice. You Open It, And It Still Isn't Open. That's Why I Don't Buy It. I Don't Need Another Step Between Me And Toast.

All These Jokes Have Been Pre-approved As Funny By Me.

I Think A Rotisserie Is Like A Really Morbid Ferris Wheel For Chickens. It’s A Strange Piece Of Machinery . . . We Will Take The Chicken, Kill It, Impale It, And Then Rotate It. And I’ll Be Damned If I’m Not Hungry! Because Spinning Chicken Carcasses Make My Mouth Water! I Like Dizzy Chicken. With A Side Of Potatoes Of Some Sort.