I Can Read Minds, But I'm Illiterate.

You Know They Call Corn-on-the-cob, "corn-on-the-cob", But That's How It Comes Out Of The Ground. They Should Just Call It Corn, And Every Other Type Of Corn, Corn-off-the-cob. It's Not Like If Someone Cut Off My Arm They Would Call It "mitch", But Then Re-attached It, And Call It "mitch-all-together".

I Bought A Scratch Off Lottery Ticket, But Then I Accidentally Spilled Calamine Lotion On It, So It Did Not Need To Be Scratched. Shoot! I Will Not Know If I Have Won!

I Saw This Wino, He Was Eating Grapes. I Was Like, "dude, You Have To Wait".

If You Find Yourself Lost In The Woods, Build A House. "well, I Was Lost, But Now I Live Here!"

I Like Vending Machines, Because Snacks Are Better When They Fall.