I'm An Actor. I Hate To Blow

Pissing Off Peta Is As Easy As Pie. Delicious Kitten Pie.

Folks, I Don't Trust Children. They're Here To Replace Us.

Senator John Kyle Claiming That Over 90 Percent Of What Planned Parenthood Does Is Abortion. Stephen Colbert: Over 90 Percent, That Is Unbelievable...in That It Is Not True. Only 3 Percent Of What Planned Parenthood Does Is Abortion. Kyle Just Rounded It Up To The Nearest 90.

Don't Cry Over Spilled Milk-- Get Angry And Punch A Cow.

The Trouble With The Jokes Is That Once They're Written, I Know How They're Supposed To Work, And All I Can Do Is Not Hit Them. I'm More Comfortable Improvising. If I Have Just Two Or Three Ideas And I Know How The Character Feels, What The Character Wants, Everything In Between Is Like Trapeze Work.