[i'm] Almost Positive There Is No God.

I Enjoy The Last Quarter Of All Basketball Games.

I Remember My First Standup Act When I Was Seventeen; I Did A Really Lame Song About Being Flat Chested. I Was Doing It In New York, And I Remember Kevin Brennan, The Guy I Lost My Virginity To, Was Like "that Song Doesn't Make Sense, You Have Tits."

I Think I've Been Called Edgy - But In All Honesty, There Is A Safety In What I Do Because I'm Always The Idiot. Unless You're Just Listening To Buzz Words And Not Taking Into Account The Context Of The Situation, You See I'm Always The Ignoramus.

The Sun Shines Directly On This Great Country, And It Can Be Harvested, It's Not Owned By Anybody. It's Something The Jews And The Palestinians Share And Could Work Together To Make The Whole World A Better Place, Not Just This Middle East Stuff, But The Whole World.

A Bull In Just About Any Shop Is Gonna Be A Mess.