I'm A Humor Writer, So I Don't

You Can't All Of A Sudden Go To Sleep One Night And Wake Up Martha Stewart. It's Bit By Bit By Bit.

Ambien Might Have Mentally Just Tossed My Salad. With Croutons.

Owning A Dog Is Slightly Less Expensive Than Being Addicted To Crack.

The Best Thing About Being 45 Is Not Taking Myself So Seriously. Do I Miss The Package I Came In At 25? I Do. Gravity Is No One's Friend. Yet The Perspective I've Gained Is So Worth The Wear And Tear. What Would Have Mortified Me At 25 Is Now Simply Fodder For A Funny, Relatable Story. Also? I Was A Waitress At 25, And Now I'm An Author. Forty-five Is Definitely Better.

Fortunately, All It Takes For Us To Be Of One Mind Is Some Buttercream Frosting.