Once You Sleep On Feathers You Can't

All My Humor Is Based Upon Destruction And Despair. If The Whole World Were Tranquil, Without Disease And Violence, I’d Be Standing On The Breadline Right In Back Of J. Edgar Hoover.

I Wanted Out Of The Navy So Bad In '45, I Faked Homo To Get A Discharge. It Didn't Matter That The Germans Surrendered, I Knew We Were Heading To Japan And I Was Done With That Scene.

I'll Die Young, But It's Like Kissing God.

The Role Of A Comedian Is To Make The Audience Laugh, At A Minimum Of Once Every Fifteen Seconds.

You Are A White. The Imperial Wizard. Now, If You Don't Think This Is Logic You Can Burn Me On The Fiery Cross. This Is The Logic: You Have The Choice Of Spending Fifteen Years Married To A Woman, A Black Woman Or A White Woman. Fifteen Years Kissing And Hugging And Sleeping Real Close On Hot Nights. With A Black, Black Woman Or A White, White Woman. The White Woman Is Kate Smith. And The Black Woman Is Lena Horne. So You're Not Concerned With Black Or White Anymore, Are You? You Are Concerned With How Cute Or How Pretty. Then Let's Really Get Basic And Persecute Ugly People!