If You're Thinking Of Becoming A Critic,

Nothing Dates One So Dreadfully As To Think Someplace Is Uptown. At Our Age One Must Be Watchful Of These Conversational Gray Hairs.

I Think There Is One Smashing Rule: Never Face The Facts.

In The Old Days, Ptomaine Poisoning Was A Cover-all. If You Missed A Show And You Were Young, It Meant You Were Having An Abortion. If You Were Old, It Meant You Were Having A Face Lift.

Vice, Virtue - It's Best Not To Be Too Moral. You'll Cheat Yourself Out Of Too Much Life.

The Very Best Impromptu Speeches Are The Ones Written Well In Advance.