If You're Old Enough To Be Arrested,

I Must Choose My Words Carefully In Order To Avoid Any Negative Interpretation. Among Politicians, This Is A Tactic Known As Lying.

Yeah, I'm Running For The White House Again. Well, It's Not A Run, Really; It's Sort Of A Brisk Walk.

I Admit I Do Have Some Drawbacks And Limitations As A Candidate. Although I Am A Professional Comedian, Some Of My Critics Maintain That This Is Not Enough. I Cannot Deny That I Stand Before You Untested And Inexperienced - I Only Spent Two Years In Television, Never As A Romantic Lead Or A Song And Dance Man.

Wine Is Something To Enjoy. We Get Sick And Tired Of People Who Pick It Apart And Talk About Its 'saucy Nuances.'

Having A Comic In The White House Will Assure Stability In Foreign Relations. The World Will Continue To Respond To Foreign Initiatives By Saying, 'you Must Be Joking.'