If You're 1 Of The 3 Girls

I Had Never Done A Roast, But I Really Wanted To, Because It's So Different From Standup.

I Was Told By A Girl Once That I Should Teach A Course On How To Kiss Properly. I Thought That Was Really A Nice Compliment. I Then Asked Her What She Thought About My Sexual Prowess And She Recommended I Talk To A Guy She Used To Date. Body Blow.

I Was Being Chased By A Giant Crab. That's Not Funny.

A Couple Of Days Back, I Got Into A Car Accident. Not My Fault. Even If It's Not Your Fault, The Other Person Gets Out Of Their Car And Looks At You Like It's Your Fault: Why Did You Stop At A Red Light And Let Me Hit You Doing 80!

When You Don't Have Love, It's Like There's A Party Going On, And Everybody Was Invited, Except For You. And You Just Happened To Be Walking By That House In The Rain...