I'm Going To Hell, Ah... But You're

A Lot Of Comics Are Kind Of Vampire Types; We Do Our Shows And Disappear Into The Night. My Philosophy Was, This Is Like Politics, And If I Want People To Know About My Campaign, I'm Going To Go Out There And Shake Hands.

I'm In A New Club, By The Way. And I Don't Know If You're First Timers Like I Am, But I'm In The 'i Just Dropped My Cell Phone In My Own Piss' Club. Have You Done That? Yeah, Good Times. I'm On The Phone And I Forget That I'm Using Shoulder Technique. Urinals Were Taken So I Went In To Use The Regular John. And As I'm Standing There, Mid-conversation, I'm Like 'are You Serious?' And It Just Started To Toboggan Right Down My Powerful Chest.

The Problem With Dating A Model Is They Won't Go Out With You If Your Cars Color Doesn't Match Their Outfit.

I Can't Relate To The Idea Of Suicide. I Guess I'm Just One Of Those People That Is Always Optimistic And Upbeat. But One Day, I Sat Down. I Said 'you Know What? Just To Kind Of Purge Myself, I Want To See What Its Like To Feel That Low'. So I Decided To Write A Suicide Note. Yeah, Just To Kinda Flush It Out There And Put It On A Page. And I Started To Do This, And I Had An Epiphany. I'll Share This With You: A Suicide Note That Is Written By Somebody That Is Not Suicidal Is Called An Autobiography. I Am On Chapter 58.

When People Refer To 'back In The Day,' It Was A Wednesday. Just A Little Fun Fact For You.