I Can Smell Bullshit From A Mile

It Really Drives Me Banana Sangwich.

Dear Semi Hot Girl Taking Photos On A Boat. It's Not Your Boat So Stop Acting Like You Own It. You Drive A Used Civic.

I Always Thought That If I Got No Love At All Early In My Standup Career, Or I Was God Awful, I Thought I'd Get Into Psychology.

When I'm Wrong I'm Like The Emperor On The Death Star Thinking He'll Turn Luke. Yet, When I'm Right I'm A Jedi Like My Father Before Me.

I Don't Have To Do Anything For Anyone Else's Benefit Anymore. I Just Want To Exceed My Own Expectations.