If You Are An Ugly Woman, You

I'm Serious. I've Got To Get People To Realize That The Government Is Full Of It. Republicans And Democrats Want To Argue Over Stuff That's Not Important, Like Gay Marriage Or The War In Iraq Or Illegal Immigration... When I Run - If I Run - We're Going To Talk About Real Issues Like Improving Our Schools, Cleaning Up Our Neighborhoods Of Drugs And Crime And Making Alabama A Better Place For All People.

On His Homesickness During The Barcelona Olympics -i Miss America. I Miss Crime And Murder. I Miss Philadelphia. There Hasn't Been A Brutal Stabbing Or Anything Here The Last 24 Hours. I've Missed It.

If Michael Jordan Was A Damn Plumber, He Couldn't Get A Date. Any Guy Got $500 Million Looks Good.

To Me, There's Only 5 Real Jobs In America: Police Officers, Teachers, Firefighters, Doctors, And The Military Service.

When You Get Arrested It's In Big Letters. When You Get Acquitted It's In Small Letters.