If You Are A Black Woman, You

By The Time I Am Howard's Age I Hope To Be Long Retired. I Don't Plan On Working That Long.

When Political Correctness First Started Coming Around, It Ruined Andrew Dice Clay And Eddie Murphy's Stand-up Career. Sam Kinison Died At Just The Right Time, 'cause No One Was Going To Tolerate What He Was Saying Anymore Either.

Hugs Are Great, But - Better Than Drugs? Come On. Let Me Put It To You This Way: I Never Drove To Harlem At 4 A.m. To Get Somebody To Hug Me.

When You Did Impressions On 'madtv,' The Producers Gave You A Walkman That Played Huge Sections Of Whatever Movie Was Being Parodied, With Your Character's Catchphrases Recorded On A Loop. You'd Wear This Thing Around During Rehearsals And For A Week Listen To The Voice You Had To Impersonate Over And Over Again. It Drove All Of Us Crazy.

Frank Sebastiano Is A Real Write. He Has Two Emmys, One From 'snl' And The Other From 'the Chris Rock Show' . The Only Award I Have Is An Fm-mmy.