If There Is A Streak Of Ham

I Am Pretty Sure That, If You Will Be Quite Honest, You Will Admit That A Good Rousing Sneeze, One That Tears Open Your Collar And Throws Your Hair Into Your Eyes, Is Really One Of Life's Sensational Pleasures.

I Have Often Wondered How They Manage To Get Return Envelopes Which Miss, By One-quarter Of An Inch, Fitting The Blank You Are Supposed To Return. They Say, "please Fill Out And Return The Enclosed Envelope," And The Enclosed Envelope Is Always One-quarter Of An Inch Too Small.

[reviewing The New York City Telephone Directory] But It Is The Opinion Of The Present Reviewer That The Weakness Of Plot Is Due To The Great Number Of Characters Which Clutter Up The Pages. The Russian School Is Responsible For This.

Most Personal Correspondence Of Today Consists Of Letters The First Half Of Which Are Given Over To An Indexed Statement Of Why The Writer Hasn't Written Before, Followed By One Paragraph Of Small Talk, With The Remainder Devoted To Reasons Why It Is Imperative That The Letter Be Brought To A Close.

The Surest Way To Make A Monkey Of A Man Is To Quote Him. That Remark In Itself Wouldn't Make Any Sense If Quoted As It Stands.