If Soccer Was An American Soft Drink,

I Grew Up In A Very Large Family In A Very Small House. I Never Slept Alone Until After I Was Married.

The Only Way That I Could Figure They Could Improve Upon Coca-cola, One Of Life's Most Delightful Elixirs, Which Studies Prove Will Heal The Sick And Occasionally Raise The Dead, Is To Put Bourbon In It.

It's Difficult To Think Anything But Pleasant Thoughts While Eating A Homegrown Tomato.

The Idiot Who Invented Instant Grits Also Thought Of Frozen Fried Chicken, And They Ought To Lock Him Up Before He Tries To Freeze-dry Collards.

There's Nothing Inherently Dirty About Sex, But If You Try Real Hard And Use Your Imagination You Can Overcome That.