If Soccer Was An American Soft Drink,

The Only Way That I Could Figure They Could Improve Upon Coca-cola, One Of Life's Most Delightful Elixirs, Which Studies Prove Will Heal The Sick And Occasionally Raise The Dead, Is To Put Bourbon In It.

There Is Something Wrong When You Wait In Line Thirty Minutes To Get A Hamburger That Was Cooked For Ninety Seconds An Hour Ago.

Today's Sensitive Male Has Learned To Share In Open Frank Discussions About Relationships Like, "where The Hell Did You Get A Crazy Idea Like That? You Been Reading Redbook Again?"

If Love Were Oil, / I'd Be About A Quart Low.

When My Love Returns From The Ladies Room, Will I Be Too Old To Care?