If Soccer Was An American Soft Drink,

I'd Much Rather Sit Next To A Smoker In A Restaurant Than A Nose-blower.

If Soccer Was An American Soft Drink, It Would Be Diet Pepsi

If Love Were Oil, / I'd Be About A Quart Low.

Instead Of Getting Married Again, I'm Going To Find A Woman I Don't Like And Give Her A House.

I Grew Up In A Very Large Family In A Very Small House. I Never Slept Alone Until After I Was Married.