If Soccer Was An American Soft Drink,

Let's All Start Walking More And Driving Less.

Life Is A Sexually Transmitted Terminal Disease.

Elvis Is Dead And I Don't Feel So Good For Myself.

I Get Letters From People Who Say, 'what Have You Got Against Women?' What Could I Possibly Have Against Women? I've Married Three Of Them.

Today's Sensitive Male Has Learned To Share In Open Frank Discussions About Relationships Like, "where The Hell Did You Get A Crazy Idea Like That? You Been Reading Redbook Again?"