If Soccer Was An American Soft Drink,

I Get Letters From People Who Say, 'what Have You Got Against Women?' What Could I Possibly Have Against Women? I've Married Three Of Them.

I Grew Up In A Very Large Family In A Very Small House. I Never Slept Alone Until After I Was Married.

On A New York Subway You Get Fined For Spitting, But You Can Throw Up For Nothing.

Life Is A Sexually Transmitted Terminal Disease.

Baptists Never Make Love Standing Up. They're Afraid Someone Might See Them And Think They're Dancing.