If Scotland And America Go To War,

I Think I'll Be Scottish In Every Movie I Write. They Always Try To Talk Me Out Of It, But Woody Allen Is Always A Nebbish New Yorker. Why Shouldn't I Be A Goofy Glaswegian?

My Father Had A Very Unusual Psychic Ability, He Could Detect Water. It's Called Divining. He Would Use A Y-shaped U-branch, And He Could Find Water With That, Which Is A Very Impressive Skill In A Country Where It Rains 365 Days Of The Year.

I Don't Know Now If I'm Funny. I Just Keep Talking And Hope That I Hit Something That's Funny.

I'm Not So Much A Dragon Slayer, More A Dragon Annoyer -- I'm A Dragon Irritater.

Gas Prices - It Is $6 A Gallon Here. People In L.a. Are Furious. You Can't Tell, Of Course, Because Of The Botox.