It Turns Out That Speeding Irresponsibly In

You Know, I Think There's A Good Rule Of Thumb Here: Don't Take Nutritional Advice From Other Species.

Twas The Night Before Thanksgiving. All The Food's In The Oven. And I'm In The Bedroom Performin' Self Lovin'.

Ratings Experts Say The Best Way To Get People To Watch During Sweeps Is To Leave The Audience With A Question That Won't Be Answered Until The Next Time The Show Is On. You Know, Like Who Shot J.r.? I Like To Think I Do This Every Night - The Question Is, Is This Show Still On?

They've Found A Link Between Chemicals In Shampoo And Obesity. If You're Eating Shampoo, Your Weight Is The Least Of Your Concerns.

Everything Went Smoothly At The Sailing Events Today, Except For The British Team. They Forgot To Bring Limes And They All Got Scurvy.