If It's Dirty, It's Not Funny, But

When I Do An Hour-and-a-half Show, If I Don't Improvise 20 Minutes Worth Of New Material Each Night, I Feel I've Let Myself Down.

I've Had A Few Arguments With People, But I Never Carry A Grudge. You Know Why? While You're Carrying A Grudge, They're Out Dancing.

The Menu Of My Mother Consisted Of Only Two Choices: Leave It Or Take It

What Makes A Comedian Has Nothing To Do With Religion. Think Of Red Skelton, Jimmy Durante, Jackie Gleason, Who Were All Catholics.

At The Sahara, The Seats Are Banked And Most Of The Audience Is Looking Down At The Stage. Everybody In The Business Knows: Up For Singers, Down For Comics. The People Want To Idealize A Singer. They Want To Feel Superior To A Comic. You're Trying To Make Them Laugh. They Can't Laugh At Someone They're Looking Up To.