If I Were Well Behaved, I'd Die

I'm As Pure As The Driven Slush.

I Have Three Phobias Which, Could I Mute Them, Would Make My Life As Slick As A Sonnet, But As Dull As Ditch Water: I Hate To Go To Bed, I Hate To Get Up, And I Hate To Be Alone.

Cocaine Isn't Habit Forming. I Should Know - I've Been Using It For Years.

A Frozen Daiquiri Of A Scorching Afternoon Is Soothing. It Makes Living More Tolerable.

Whatever You Have Read I Have Said Is Almost Certainly Untrue, Except If It Is Funny, In Which Case I Definitely Said It.