If I Want Low-impact Aerobics, I'll Masturbate.

Elected Office Holds More Perks Than Elvis' Nightstand.

There's No More Delicious Irony On The Face Of The Earth Than Environmental Protesters Being Led Away In Plastic Handcuffs That Have A Biodegradability Horizon Line Of, Like, 40,000 Years.

Just Put Down 9/11... I Think, On Most Things I'm Liberal, Except On Defending Ourselves And Keeping Half The Money. Those Things I'm Kind Of Conservative On.

Some People Like To Travel By Train Because It Combines The Slowness Of A Car With The Cramped Public Exposure Of An Airplane.

But The Biggest Fake Of The Year, Paul Begala's Last Smile