If I Paid Ten Dollars For A

When Jack Benny Has A Party, You Not Only Bring Your Own Scotch, You Bring Your Own Rocks.

I'm Very Pleased To Be Here. Let's Face It, At My Age I'm Very Pleased To Be Anywhere.

I Can't Afford To Die; I'd Lose Too Much Money.

Lots Of People Have Asked Me What Gracie And I Did To Make Our Marriage Work. It's Simple - We Don't Do Anything. I Think The Trouble With A Lot Of People Is That They Work Too Hard At Staying Married. They Make A Business Out Of It. When You Work Too Hard At A Business You Get Tired; And When You Get Tired You Get Grouchy; And When You Get Grouchy You Start Fighting; And When You Start Fighting You're Out Of Business.

It Takes Only One Drink To Get Me Drunk. The Trouble Is, I Can't Remember If It's The Thirteenth Or The Fourteenth.