If I Get Big Laughs, I'm A

In Show Business The Key Word Is Honesty. Once You've Learned To Fake That, The Rest Is Easy.

People Are Always Asking Me How Much I'm Worth. Well, All I Can Say Is, I've Got Enough Money To Last Me The Rest Of My Life. As Long As I Die In The Next 20 Minutes.

If I Paid Ten Dollars For A Cigar, First I'd Make Love To It, Then I'd Smoke It.

Age To Me Means Nothing. I Can't Get Old; I'm Working. I Was Old When I Was Twenty-one And Out Of Work. As Long As You're Working, You Stay Young. When I'm In Front Of An Audience, All That Love And Vitality Sweeps Over Me And I Forget My Age.

When I Was In Vegas Women Were Throwing Their Hotel Keys At Me. But It Was After They Checked Out.