If God Wanted Us High, He Would

I Call Los Angeles The City Of Alternatives. If You Don't Like Mountains, We Got The Ocean. If You Don't Like Knott's Berry Farm, We've Got Disneyland. If You Don't Like Basketball, We've Got The Clippers.

The Way I Approach Stardom And The Show, I'm Like A Politician. I'm An Elected Late-night Official To Do Your Work.

I Knew Going In That Being A Single Parent Would Be One Of The Toughest Jobs I'd Ever Have. I'd Been A Talk-show Host, Actor, Comic, And On And On, But This Gig Was Going To Be My Defining Moment.

You Go Out With A Girl You Used To Date, She Looks So Damn Good, And Then At A Certain Point You Say, Boy, Now I Remember. I Know Why I Left!

When You're Doing Late Night You're On The Grind Every Night; You Send Someone To Check On Your Mom.