If Ever A Man And His Wife,

The Young Leading The Young, Is Like The Blind Leading The Blind; "they Will Both Fall Into The Ditch.

I Always Put These Pert Jackanapeses Out Of Countenance By Looking Extremely Grave When They Expect That I Should Laugh At Their Pleasantries; And By Saying Well, And So?--as If They Had Not Done, And That The Sting Were Still To Come. This Disconcerts Them, As They Have No Resources In Themselves, And Have But One Set Of Jokes To Live Upon.

Never Write Down Your Speeches Beforehand; If You Do, You May Perhaps Be A Good Declaimer, But Will Never Be A Debater.

I Heartily Wish You, In The Plain Home-spun Style, A Great Number Of Happy New Years, Well Employed In Forming Both Your Mind Andyour Manners, To Be Useful And Agreeable To Yourself, Your Country, And Your Friends.

I Have Seen Many People, Who While You Are Speaking To Them, Instead, Of Looking At, And Attending To You, Fix Their Eyes Upon The Ceiling, Or Some Other Part Of The Room, Look Out Of The Window, Play With A Dog, Twirl Their Snuff-box, Or Pick Their Nose. Nothing Discovers A Little, Futile, Frivolous Mind More Than This, And Nothing Is So Offensively Ill-bred.