If Elected, I Will Win.

I'd Learned Some Things. I Knew You Weren't Supposed To Hold A Good Wine At The Top - The Paper Bag Falls Off.

It Is True That All Of The Current Presidential Candidates Once Denied That They Had Any Intention Of Running. But The Fact That I Am Also A Liar, Doesn't Make Me A Candidate.

I'm Often Asked Why I Travel Around The Country Talking Politics. Is It For Humanitarian Reasons, Community Spirit, Or Is It For The Money, The Limousines Or The Girls? The Answers Are: No, No, Yes Yes Yes!

I Admit I Do Have Some Drawbacks And Limitations As A Candidate. Although I Am A Professional Comedian, Some Of My Critics Maintain That This Is Not Enough. I Cannot Deny That I Stand Before You Untested And Inexperienced - I Only Spent Two Years In Television, Never As A Romantic Lead Or A Song And Dance Man.

Marijuana Should Be Licensed And Kept Out Of The Hands Of Teenagers. It's Too Good For Them.