If An Englishman Gets Run Down By

I'm Still Suffering From Shock From The Last War. I Was Almost Drafted! Luckily I Was Wounded While Taking The Physical. When I Reached The Psychiatrist, I Said, Give Me A Gun, I'll Wipe Out The Whole German Army In Five Minutes. He Said, You're Crazy! I Said, Write It Down!

I Regularly Sell Out More In England Than I Do In America.

America Is The Only Country In The World Where You Can Burn The Flag But Can't Tear The Tag Off The Mattress.

They Call It Football, But The Object Of The Game Is To Bash The Other Guy So Hard That He's Eventually Carried Off The Field On A Stretcher. I Can't Watch Football Anymore. My Psychiatrist Said It's Better That Way. I Used To Watch A Game, See The Players In A Huddle - And Think They Were Talking About Me.

When Most People Return From Europe, They Tell Tales Of All The Sites They Saw, The Shopping, The Entertainment, Etc. Jews, On The Other Hand, Return And Say I Had This Slice Of Cake In Austria, Let Me Tell You, I Don't Know How They Make It! It Was Great!