I'd Like To Go Out For A

If You Get Into A Customer Service Fight With A Hooker, Even If You're In The Right, You're In The Wrong.

My Theory About Taylor Swift Is That She's A Virgin, That Everyone Breaks Up With Her Because They Date Her For Two Weeks And She's Like, 'i'm Not Gonna Do It'.

While Looking At A Website For Liposuction, I Learned That It Was A Six-to Eight-week Recovery Period, The Clincher Being That, During That Time, I Would Under No Circumstances Be Able To Use Street Drugs. Obviously I Had To Think Of A More Realistic Approach.

I Met My First Midget In Mexico, And He Was A Waiter With A Sombrero On His Head, Filled With Chips And Salsa. Like I Was Gonna Let That Guy Get Away - I Don't Think So.

No One Has Ever Said To Me 'go Home And Make A Baby.' I Have Been Told Several Times To Go To Planned Parenthood And Make The Baby Go Away. Happy Hannukah.