I'd Hate To Be A Giraffe With

Onions Make Me Sad, A Lot Of People Don't Realize That. When I'm Cutting Onions, I'm Sad. Because The Plight Of Onions, It's Sad. But People Don't Realize I'm Actually Crying - They Think I'm Just Reacting.

I Once Saw A Forklift Lift A Crate Of Forks. And It Was Way To Literal For Me.

Magicians Disappear All The Time, But As Soon As A Regular Person Does It, Everyone Is All Scared. "tom's Gone!" "is He A Magician?" "no." "then Let's Print Up Some Flyers!"

Do You Think I Am Standing Here, Making This Up As I Go? I Am Sorry To Disillusion You. I Am Not Robin Williams. I Am The King Of The Pen.

Rice Is Great If You're Really Hungry And Want To Eat Two Thousand Of Something.