I Would Have Changed My Last Name

Four Years Ago On This Very Day I Tried To Take My Own Life. And I Said, "zach, Do It In Front Of Your Co-workers And End The Misery." I Don't Know How Many Of You Ever Tried To Jump Off Of A Pizza Hut, But You'll Just Get A Sprained Ankle Out Of The Deal. Then You'll Have To Go Back Inside, And Serve Crazy Bread.

Whether You Are On The Right Or The Left, Everyone Can Agree That There Are A Lot Of Outside Influences In American Politics That Are Not Good For The System. There's Just Too Much Money.

Yesterday, I Masturbated For 45 Minutes... With Salad Tongs.

I Dream Of Starting A Three-man Country Trio Called The Chixie Dicks.

I Think Those Neighborhood Signs That Say 'slow Children Playing' Are Mean.