I Would Have Changed My Last Name

I Like To Read The Bible In Public Places Where People Are Watching Me Read It. And I Like To Mumur Out To Myself: 'bullshit!'

Yesterday, I Masturbated For 45 Minutes... With Salad Tongs.

My Headshot Is A Scratch And Sniff, It Smells Like Failure And Onions.

Did You Ever Wake Up With An Erection...and Find Yourself In A Massage Chair At Brookstone? And You Yell To The Sales Clerk "i'll Take It!"

Fat Jokes To Me Are Always, Always Hilarious, As Long As They're Done Towards Yourself.