I Would Go Out With Women My

I'm Onstage For An Hour.i Do An Hour Of Stand-up. Actually, I Do 10 Minutes Standing Up And 50 Minutes Sitting In A Chair. Oh, Occasionally, I Stand Up Again To Do A Dance Or Put Over A Song. But Mostly I Sit Down. A Great Invention, Sitting Down.

Critics Are Eunuchs At A Gang Bang.

When I Wasn't Working, I Put The Blame Directly Where It Belonged - I Blamed My Agent. When I Didn't Have An Agent, I Spent Time Looking For A New Agent So I Would Have Somebody To Blame.

Someone Who Makes You Laugh Is A Comedian. Someone Who Makes You Think And Then Laugh Is A Humorist.

You Know You're Getting Old When You Stoop To Tie Your Shoelaces And Wonder What Else You Could Do While You're Down There.