I Wonder If In 2050 There Will

I Do Not Have A Helmet. But This Is A Wig, So It's A Little Protective.

My Headshot Is A Scratch And Sniff, It Smells Like Failure And Onions.

You Know It's Time To Do The Laundry When You Dry Off With A Sneaker.

I'm The Most Mellow Person Offstage. I Think It's Just, Going Onstage Lets Me Get Out Some Frustration That I'm Too Shy To Do In Real Life. Instead Of Doing It In Private, I'd Rather Do It In Front Of 1,000 People Who've Paid $25 To See Me Lose My Mind.

My Girlfriend Looks A Little Like Charlize Theron...and A Lot Like Patrick Ewing.