I Went To The Doctor Last Week.

I'm Not Saying My Mother Didn't Like Me, But She Kept Looking For Loopholes In My Birth Certificate.

In Awe, I Watched The Waxing Moon Ride Across The Zenith Of The Heavens Like An Ambered Chariot Towards The Ebony Void Of Infinite Space Wherein The Tethered Belts Of Jupiter And Mars Hang, For Ever Festooned In Their Orbital Majesty. And As I Looked At All This I Thought... I Must Put A Roof On This Toilet.

I've Got A Friend Who Is A Lion Tamer. He Used To Be A School Teacher Till He Lost His Nerve.

I Went To My Doctor And Asked For Something For Persistent Wind. He Gave Me A Kite.

I'm Often Accused Of Saying Some Pretty Rotten Things About My Mother-in-law. But Quite Honestly, She's Only Got One Major Fault - It's Called Breathing.