I Went To The Doctor Last Week.

My Mother-in-law Has So Many Wrinkles, When She Smiles She Looks Like A Venetian Blind.

I'm The Most Unromantic Lump Of Northern Suet. Yes, A Woman Did Accost Me Once In South Shields, But She Had A Face Like Red Rum.

Take My Wife... Please. I'm Not Saying She's Ugly, But When She Went To See A Horror Film, The Audience Thought She Was Making A Personal Appearance.

I'd Like To Thank The Bbc For Allowing Me To Work Here. And I'd Like To Thank The Wife And Kids For Making It Necessary.

In Awe, I Watched The Waxing Moon Ride Across The Zenith Of The Heavens Like An Ambered Chariot Towards The Ebony Void Of Infinite Space Wherein The Tethered Belts Of Jupiter And Mars Hang, For Ever Festooned In Their Orbital Majesty. And As I Looked At All This I Thought... I Must Put A Roof On This Toilet.